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Dickie
'aqua technician'
United Kingdom
169 Posts |
 Posted - 09 December 2005 : 22:54:39
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Ahem, as challenged by Mr. Tizard, this is my account of the Bromsgrove game in it's full glory  :
The day began with the exchange of monies, and not those for the prostitution of Mr. Tizard’s splendid looks, but for mysterious fines outstanding. “Swines” I cried, handing over the coinage. My anger faded as a fresh-faced Mr. Callum Martin greeted me, suggesting that we might partake in a “cruise” in Kinder’s “car” in order to get to our destination, Bromsgrove RFC. “Of course!” I replied, unaware of the dangers that were ahead of me. Fear crept in as we manoeuvred out of the car park, with the mandatory bass reverberating through my body. A scream of pleasure from Callum further added to the horror. The trip passed with a series of overtakes and speedy accelerations, racing against the “able” Richard Smith and Ryan Milton.
Fun and games we all thought, that was, until Ryan’s brake lights illuminated much to the shock of Samuel, who’s cry of “Oh s**t!” filled me with confidence. The resulting screech of brakes and swerving confirmed it, we had indeed just crashed. The convoy pulled over much to the bemusement of U17 player, Scott (ginger) and others. Head in hands, the inspection began. Fortunately, the impact failed to cause any visible damage to Ryan’s vehicle and Kinder’s was only slightly mangled. Gingerly, we crept back into the car for a calmer trip to the destination, with bass (slightly) lowered.
Upon arrival, there was a bit of a laugh and a joke but with ego’s damaged; we took the walk to the changing rooms. It was around this part that coach Tizard realised that his wallet (purse) wasn’t where he’d left it, thus later earning the title “Dick of the week”.
The usual pre-match routine began with some light tag rugby, with the highlight being Callum’s side step around two defenders and dive to score, dead legging himself in the process. Heads began to get screwed on as we did the obligatory “grid” (much to my contempt).
As we jogged over to the pitch, for once we observed that our packs were about evenly matched and began to speculate about the youth present in their team. Regardless, the match began in a bit of a blur, with many a ruck and ball being flung out wide, both sides suffering from “hot potato syndrome”. At some point Bromsgrove kicked a penalty making it 3-0.
Being the forward that I am, I was later ambling over to where the next breakdown was likely to occur and much to my disgust, saw one of our back’s passes intercepted which was then transformed into a further 7 points, making it 10-0. At some point Mr. Smith was whinging and it took some a good team effort to shut him up. Tensions mounting, the game began to degenerate with cheap shots. I was myself a victim of such a crime, but responded with a clout to the head of the suspect. Fear filling his eyes, the chap ran off and the game continued for a bit longer, until the half time whistle was blown.
Swapping sides and now facing downhill, the Derby team began with a less than average start, only redeemed by tackles from Richard Huddlestone and Smithy (having now recovered his dummy). The quality of the referee began to shine through, as he gave a penalty for our timid and humble U17 George Murfin politely enquiring about his opposite man swinging in the scrummage. The man clearly knew his stuff and controlled the game with an iron fist. (He refereed the U21 world cup, y’know!).
With both sides competing with such vigour, a “scuffle” was inevitable. What cracked off, I do not know, for I was minding my own business on the floor when I saw a mass of bodies heaving in the middle of the pitch. Picking myself up, I saw Simmo deliver the boot to some poor chap, the boom of which was heard echoing around the grounds. The mob further enraged, I deemed it my duty to join the fray, only to see Mr. Martin’s fist greet the number 8’s eye in a less-than-friendly engagement. Eventually broken up, the game resumed with 14 men as Mr. Long accepted the inevitable red card.
The Derby pack then restarted with increased intensity, a jewel in their crown appearing through a dazzling display of courage, skill and grace. Following a strong run from debutant U17 Kyle Perks, the ball was sent loose. This player, this Adonis of a man, delivered a precision kick to the oval sending it flying across the try line. With men to beat, a burst of pace saw the blur racing past the full back and the winger. Jaw dropping with envy, the winger fixed his eyes on the figure, but unfortunately missed the post he than ran into. With a last burst of pace, the champion dived onto the ball and redeemed the Derby side five points. This was then easily converted by Dan Brittan. A tear quietly crept from coach Cornfield’s eye, as the gutsy display reminded him of the “good old days”.
Ironically the game had to be abandoned as the Bromsgrove hooker was badly injured as a result of swinging in the scrum. Lucky for him, he recovered eventually, but it was a lesson he would not forget. However, the match could not be finished at the time and so it was deemed a draw. (Although, should it have continued, then it was most probable the star of the pack would’ve completed his task in scoring a consecutive try.)
On returning to the changing room, spirits were relatively high, although the excuse of “I want to get some food” to avoid the return journey in Kinder’s car was heard being used. Smithy sat in a corner and said his usual piece; “I am a man. We are men.” The food served was excellent, with the pork cobs being a favourite. As usual fines followed, with the star player being fined (out of jealousy).
The return trip consisted of Mr. Martin bragging about his epic performance in the match, particularly the incident in the scuffle. It was a full and memorable day, despite the slightly disappointing outcome.
*Steps down from soapbox*
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Edited by - Dickie on 09 December 2005 22:59:56 |
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oldcorn
Moderator
United Kingdom
640 Posts |
Posted - 10 December 2005 : 00:05:29
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My goodness. What a quality piece of literature! I've ordered my copy in hardback, will you sign it for me on Sunday morning please
P.S. That must be why you missed training on Thursday - staying in to write that up.  
Now that we have set a level on the Colts section, all should try to match that. Top man. Can't wait for the Livorna offering  |
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Jon Tiz
Moderator
United Kingdom
1052 Posts |
 Posted - 10 December 2005 : 01:22:11
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Well, blow me down, Dickie is a literary superstar.
Top man you've met the challenge with style and panache. Never before has a cub reporter had the temerity to outdo the Old Hack!!!!!!!
There is now a challenge for the Webmaster, can we have the official match report as well as the player perspective????? 
Refereeeeee |
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Dickie
'aqua technician'
United Kingdom
169 Posts |
Posted - 10 December 2005 : 08:36:07
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Of course I'll sign copies, but it's first come first serve you understand? I'll have a whack at the Livorno game report sometime soon but i think it would be good to get another colt's opinions too 
It's a shame i didn't stay longer after the match, thought the language difficulties would've left two segregated groups, I'm sure the games that followed would've added to literature nicely.  |
Edited by - Dickie on 10 December 2005 08:36:42 |
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Jon Tiz
Moderator
United Kingdom
1052 Posts |
Posted - 10 December 2005 : 09:37:01
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What language barrier? Alcohol makes everyone fluent in that universally understood language of b#ll#cks. I'm fairly certain there will be some sore Italian heads this morning!!!!!
Refereeeeee |
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Bromsgrove: SE match report
