|
Ze German
'on the bench'
United Kingdom
324 Posts |
 Posted - 19 February 2007 : 08:01:56
|
By Four Scores (not whores) Dawes
Match Report: Nottingham Moderns v The Meisters
This match report is dedicated to Idiots.
Article found on the renowned News Agency, Reuters, website on Friday Feb 16th:
VODKA FUELLED FISHERMAN WRESTLES WITH SHARK - A fisherman fuelled by vodka caught a 1.3-metre shark and wrestled it onto a jetty on Australia's south coast, suffering only small tear marks in his trousers, media reports said on Friday. Phillip Kerkhof, 41, caught the bronze whaler shark by hand on Monday after he spotted it chasing squid lures near the jetty at the tiny seaside town of Louth Bay in the South Australia state.
"I just snuck up behind him and eventually I went for the big grab and I fluked it and got him," Kerkhof said. "I’d had a fair few Vodka’s…It's not something I'd recommend to do," he said. "When I sobered up I thought about it and I was a bit of an idiot."
How prophetic life is, only a few hours later there would be a similar event unfolding in the changing rooms during Derby RFC’s Vodka Night…a very pleasant evening as noted by Gwent Paylor’s delightful Missus who popped in to see what the changing rooms looked like and commented on how well behaved Rugby lads are, not like Footballers at all… no sooner had she left, the Derby Wing of the South African Shark Wrestling Team leapt into action. Oh, it was such fun to see their little faces huffing & puffing. The result was much the same as Mr Kerkhof’s bout though as the only injury was pride and a few tears (both tears –eyes and tears –clothing!)…I’m sure they felt just as idiotic when they sobered up…(nah! No chance of that happening)
As a word of warning to anyone thinking of taking their Vodka Refuelling activities to Birmingham, Booya was there last week and he was stung £8 for one drink… His words were “you expect it in London, but not Birmingham…it’s not as if there were any fit birds to look at! £8!!!….”
Sorry Boo, they saw an Idiot and took their chance…much in the same way that a Dave Richards Impostor saw a chance to steal Dave’s credit card details and book himself a £2k flight to Central Asia!!
Enough of such nonsense; another bunch of Vodka Fuelled Idiots made their way across the border for a friendly against Nottingham Moderns. Not having played for two weeks and still on the back of 11 straight wins, there was an air of uncertainty as The Meisters met The Moderns for the first time. Rob Higgins was back after breaking his leg a mere 3 months ago. He was hoping to have a 20 minute 2nd Half run to test it, but that was scuppered when Moderns had no Ref, so our very own Wisey had to step into the breach leaving us with one sub and Rob’s fingers crossed as he took up at Fullback.
The game started with the Moderns forwards showing their intent, some very able play saw them win possession easily at the scrum and lineouts. The Meisters tight 5 of Davy, Paylor Snr, Luscombe, Nelly and The Braain not up to their usual tenacious standards. The backs however, started to stamp their authority though. First, Dawes side stepped his man and ran on 20 yds before an alleged forwards pass over to Charlie stopped the play. Then, The Horse did a very similar trick, with some great pace but the pass to Dawes was again forward. Camped on our own try line, Dawes snatched a loose pass and gassed a slow forward before running out of fuel himself and passing onto Jesus, who’s turn of pace was awesome… but short lived. A penalty on the Moderns 5m line came for Nelly to rumble over the line and clearly put the ball down with one hand. However, Sir Wisey the Impartial didn’t see it though and the try was disallowed. Yet again the move broke down, each time Moderns regained possession and pressed down the field. The breakthrough came from Dancin’ Dave, fresh from his break in Pakistan, took the ball from a ruck and Polka’d his way under the posts & converted. 7 – 0
By now, it became apparent that we weren’t going to win any set plays, the Moderns forwards pushing The Meisters off the ball with ease, spoiling all lineouts and winning most of the loose play. Nelly had been severely clattered off the ball and went off. When the end of the half came, it had been end to end stuff, but we were up. The 2nd half started in much the same fashion as the 1st, an excellent run by Davy took us downfield with Dawes & Jesus in tow, but Davy veered away from the support and the move broke down. Up stepped Dave Richards, who had now bought a s****y apartment in Lahore with a double rickshaw garage, the move had swallowed up enough support for Dave to Foxtrot Oscar around the other side for his second try, he decided not to put it under the posts though as we didn’t need 2 points. 12 – 0.
By now we were into our School Bully strides, Dawes managed to knee the Moderns 15 in the chest which nagged him for the rest of the game, Charlie & the Moderns 12 had a bit of handbags brought around as a direct result of Dawes speciality high tackle around the neck, but he though Charlie had done it. Then came the Flashman Masterclass of School Bullying, the Moderns 14 running down the wing, gassed Dawes, took on Pierrepont and kicked a beautifully weighted punt down the line… three steps on… it came out of the blue… Hoo Hoo Hoo…. 5 steps on … HOO HOO WHO’s THE DADDY? Sheriff’s late tackle was spectacular in it’s timing as much as it’s devastation, the Moderns 14 laid out for the count, Sheriff grinning from ear to ear lucky not to be sent off, Sir Wisey had no option but to award a penalty on our 5m…. but we all enjoyed that one. Moderns luck looked totally out as they quickly took the penalty with no Meisters defence in place, but The Idiot dropped it over the line.
To rub salt in the wounds, and in honour of Freddy’s superb juggling act, Horsefield’s devastating break through the lines almost came unstuck when the ball slipped out of his hands… popped back in and he continued his run under the posts, Dave converted from his Penthouse in uptown Mumbai. 19 – 0.
So, what do you do when you’re 19 – 0 up with 20 minutes to go? It’s all about the clean sheet. Their spirits broken; just get your heads down for more of the same… ONLY REAL IDIOTS WOULD LET IT SLIP.
I won’t elaborate but the final two minutes of the game summed up the remaining 20 minutes. We were running around like Headless Chickens at a Bernard Matthews Health Inspection. Chas & Dave decided to re-enact the Rabbit Song with astonishing ineptitude. “It was your fault”, “No it was yours”, “You’re Fat”, “You’re Ugly”, “My Dad’s bigger than your Dad”, “I can kick further than you”… blah, blah, blah; they didn’t even notice the full time whistle go. Man of the Match went to Wisey who Ref’d with great skill, although Ben Harvie played a blinder under a lot of pressure as did Jesus.
It’s one thing to be an Idiot, but The Meisters were Lucky Idiots. Final Score: Meisters 19 – Moderns 17
|
|
Meisters Vs Moderns
