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halifaxbeest
'on the bench'
United Kingdom
335 Posts |
 Posted - 09 April 2006 : 17:26:58
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"If you like your rugby, and you like it sexy, come watch the Beests in full flow!"
The Beests and their Beer Chest (sponsored by EMT Healthcare - thanks Steve Muir) travelled to Rugby looking to put their NCA championship campaign back on the rails after two back-to-back soul-destroying one-point league defeats at the Serengeti.
Late first team call-ups and diversions to Rugby via Cardiff meant a slightly reshuffled Beest team, Louis Gandolfo coming in on the wing and 'Dangerous' Dave Goodman coming into 7 to start for Matt 'Spirito' Cox, who shouldn't have relied on directions witten in HIEROGLYPHICS, mistaking three eagles in a row for 'take a right at Birmingham'.
A beautiful but windy day, with the going underfoot good to firm saw the Beests start the brighter of the two teams, immediately pressing the Rugby line with some awesome carries from new beest Callum the colt prop, The Buss, Millsy and Eldon John, amongst others.
However, a combination of first phase pressure (especially in the scrum), frustrating mistakes and poor refereeing decisions meant that the first Beest score came later than expected by the travelling Derby support, who were slightly outnumbered in the packed East Stand, a capacity crowd of 6.
Beest prayers were about to be answered though,as 'Pass-Pass' in the backs created some space. Hutch had dipped his boots in MOISTURISER, and made a silky soft nudge which Norm greatfully collected to scamper over the whitewash. Hutch then missed a tricky nudge into the wind after he forgot to ask Jackal for instructions on how to work the Preds. 5-zip Beests (and the Beesty Beer Chest, sponsored by EMT Healthcare - thanks Steve Muir).
Rugby weren't going to take this lying down, but where the Beests were smooth, Rugby took an abrasive PUMICE STONE-like approach to the game. The Beests yawned and took the opposition to Smash Palace at every opportunity, creating turnover opportunities.
It wasn't long before the Beests turned an opportunity for Barbaration into points on the board, as Louis received some "two away Barbara" love and used the wheels to leave his man grabbing at thin air. With only the full back to beat, the unselfish pass inside found the ever-marauding Buss, who busstled (sorry...) under the posts with a solitary finger raised in the air, and a shoulder barge from Rugby's teenage scrum half for this troubles. The arrogance - I loved it! The Beesty crowd (with their Beer Chest, sponsored by EMT Healthcare - thanks Steve Muir) went crazy as 'Dave' 'Joe Mangel' Hutch found the boot instructions in his sock and added the nudge, 12-zip Beests.
Half time round the watering hole called for more of the same attack and massive defence. Stu 'Flying Haggis' Cormack called for discipline (make a note of this - I'll touch on it later...), and crisper handling in the backs by shouting to 'Dave' Hutchinson who unsurprisingly didn't respond. This is because his name is Dan.
The much vaunted Rugby 10 kicked off the second half wanting a nice cup of tea to go with his slice, and it was the Beests who took the early advantage in the second half. A penalty in the Rugby 22 was odds-on to be nudged to touch but, despite Ratty's protests (well, screams), Hutch decided to take a quick tap and release Norm in space. The chief made short work of the floundering Rugby defence, scything a beautiful line to score under the sticks. An easy conversion for Hutch made it 19-zip to the Beests, and seemingly cruising.
The fight for Rugby was not yet over, and they replied soon after with a characteristic driving maul which flopped over the line. The Rugby 10 added the nudge, and a brief sense of deja-vu entered Beest minds - would this be Cheltenham all over again?
However, the resolve was strong with the Beest midfield of Norm and Wiggers containing Rugby's 1st XV centre with ease, and good defence all round. It was at this stage that Arch 'Nordic Viking Show Pony' and 'Sunbed' Riley were added to the mix, replacing Callum the colts prop and Phil Rabid Maddogs, with Stevo 'Silent Assassin' Mooro going into prop. This tactical move added to the Beests' average bicep/tricep circumference, and money spent on St. Tropez tanning lotion - two vital ingredients to success in the modern game.
Derby's worries were eased as the next try was from the Beests, as a wayward clearance kick found its way into the hands of 'Diddy Dave Sunbed' Riley. The cry of 'two away Barbara' flooded the East Stand of Webb Ellis Road, and Sunbed dutifully threw a perfect left-handed spin pass inside. To Buss. Who ran it. Without a second pass (thus achieving only 50% Barbaration). This oversight, and the subsequent invention of 'one away Buss' meant that Buss ran into space, giving a sweet pass to 'Dave' Hutch who glided over despite the attentions of three Rugby defenders. The arrogance of converting his own try made the score 24-7 Beests - still not clear yet, but Rugby looked tired, and the marauding Wildebeests could smell blood.
The final try of the game from another turnover in midfield, with slick hands sending the Lord of the Wings clear down the left flank, again easily putting the wheels on his opposite man. This time, he fancied the five-pointer himself, and used Buss and the Nordic Viking Arch as decoys to sell the outrageous dummy to the full back before sauntering over in the left corner. Word is that the full back still owes Louis £1.14 in change. Hutch's conversion hit the POST. IT NOTEd how well this young man had kicked in tricky windy conditions all game. 31-7 Beests as the travelling fans heaved a sigh of relief. Surely Rugby couldn't score 24 point in 20 minutes?
Spirito made a late appearance, making some characteristically huge hits, as did Charles Charlie Charles Woodward, who has been told in no uncertain terms that he needs to let team management know if he's going direct, and discard of any used tampon casings before he comes to rugby. Despite these misgivings, a decent cameo before a 'three course meal' and the inevitable 'Pie and Peas' rollover jackpot next week.
Fans of irony may want to note the Flying Haggis' disciplinary record during the game. Having been told once that the ref would only speak to the captain (Norm) on issues of law interpretation, Stu (who has, in the past, castigated players such as myself for indulging in 'friendly banter' with referees) made it clear that he absolutely did not want any of his pack to give away any silly penalties. Fast forward, ooh, 30 seconds, a penalty against Derby - for questioning the referee's decision re: a knock-on in a maul. The culprit? A certain Scottish gent playing prop. I'll say no more... This, however, did not take away from the sterling effort he gave throughout the game - leading from the front and providing excellent stability after a slightly difficult start in the scrummaging department.
Late on, Rugby's captain was sent to the naughty stool by ref Supernanny to watch THE DISNEY CLUB and think about what he'd done after a vicious assualt on Ratty from a tap penalty that hadn't been tapped. He played no further part in the game, and spent the last 7 or so minutes thinking about how the Beests were going to appreciate the Beesty Beer Chest (sponsored by EMT Healthcare - thanks Steve Muir).
It ended 31-7 to the mighty Beests, and although the nature of the result had left some Beests a little frustrated due to the disappointing level of continuity in the game, no-one could argue that it will work wonders for our position in the NCA Midlands league - job done for the Beests, as they all retired to the changing room deserving the fruits of the Beesty Beer Chest (sponsored by EMT Healthcare - thanks Steve Muir).
One small step for the beests, one giant leap for muuuurrrrgggghhhhkind.
Now some time for a word from our sponsors...
EMT Healthcare - proud sponsors of the Beest Beer Chest
"EMT Healthcare - Oh lordy, that's good healthcare"
I just called to say I love MMUUURRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH 3:-O
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Edited by - halifaxbeest on 10 April 2006 08:39:41 |
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norm
Moderator
725 Posts |
 Posted - 09 April 2006 : 17:46:34
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HaliBeest, I think you may have summed the game up perfectly.
Grateful thanks to Saturdays Beesty Beer chest sponsor - EMT Healthcare, "Where your wellbeing is paramount" for their kind gift of a crate of ale which was expertly placed into the Beesty beer chest - sponsored by EMT Healthcare www.emthealthcare.com "Your one stop shop for ALL your pharmacy needs - by our wonderful manager.
If you check out the EMT healthcare (Your one stop shop for ALL your pharmacy needs) website, they have a promotion on Wine chaser. Wine chaser is an excellent product which was developed to help prevent the wine headache which can appear after only one or two glasses and contains activated calcium carbonate, vegetable carbon and vitamin B2 to absorb the by-products of the fermentation process. It was developed from Original Chaser which works with beers, wine and spirits.
I could have done with some of that this morning 
tick followed tock followed tick followed MMUURRGGHHHHH |
Edited by - norm on 09 April 2006 17:47:20 |
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spirito-d-beest
'tee boy'
Barbados
82 Posts |
Posted - 09 April 2006 : 23:58:53
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Bravo to the Viking, lovely story.
Tell me if i popped into my local EMT Healthcare pharmacy, could i recieve friendly confidential help on problems such as itching in the crotchal region or even pick up a handy sized panflet with useful information about my friends problem???
EMT - healthcare. "you got it, we can sort it!" |
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norm
Moderator
725 Posts |
Posted - 10 April 2006 : 11:04:38
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Halibeest, could you highlight the parts edited you edited, as i dont want to miss your additions
tick followed tock followed tick followed MMUURRGGHHHHH |
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halifaxbeest
'on the bench'
United Kingdom
335 Posts |
Posted - 10 April 2006 : 11:35:37
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I can't really remember - I haven't edited anything major, just adding the odd 'that' or changing an incorrect apostrophe. I don't want Jon Tiz getting all pedantic on my ass now I've proved I'm his daddy!
See you tonight fockers!
I just called to say I love MMUUURRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH 3:-O |
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norm
Moderator
725 Posts |
Posted - 10 April 2006 : 11:39:05
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as long as it wasn't anything to do with EMT healthcare (Your one stop shop for ALL your pharmacy needs)
tick followed tock followed tick followed MMUURRGGHHHHH |
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halifaxbeest
'on the bench'
United Kingdom
335 Posts |
Posted - 10 April 2006 : 12:16:31
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Absolutely not!
For all my pharmacy needs from codeine to Calpol, from plasters to paracetemol - I use EMT Healthcare. When you're ill, they fit the bill.
EMT Healthcare - official partner of the 2005/6 Wildebeests
I just called to say I love MMUUURRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH 3:-O |
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joemills
'tee boy'
United Kingdom
84 Posts |
Posted - 10 April 2006 : 17:23:51
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best report and banter string of the season!!!
What about the 7's how did we get on? |
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sadam
'on the bench'
300 Posts |
Posted - 11 April 2006 : 11:29:48
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| we didn't |
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The Jackal
'aqua technician'
United Kingdom
125 Posts |
Posted - 11 April 2006 : 17:18:00
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Archer, i simply love the report. I can visualise every second of the encounter from the descriptive narrative you have provided.
At least i know thats my reporting days over... Long may the archer create Beesty match reports
You've got my vote!
_________________________
Put him in the locker!!! BOSH! |
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sadam
'on the bench'
300 Posts |
Posted - 11 April 2006 : 17:35:29
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Harper Collins have signed him up, (with a down payment of 4,000,000 Zambian Kwachas) for his next novel.
Jackal: for your stats-
Squad: Maddog P, Lucas, Hutch, Norm, Wiggers, Ratty, Stu, Pete, Callum, Mills, Eldon, Moore, Cox, Bus, Goody, Arthur Conan Doyle, Riley, Charlie Charles. |
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spirito-d-beest
'tee boy'
Barbados
82 Posts |
Posted - 11 April 2006 : 18:31:58
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| can you make a report that long for the sevens??? sure there will be few paragraphs on a fat winger making a handsome seven look outta place. |
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Rugby Lions (guest report)
